[1] Shout for joy to The One In Charge, all the earth;

[2] sing the glory of the name of The One In Charge;
give glorious praise!

[3] Say to The One In Charge, How awesome are your deeds!
So great is your power that your enemies come cringing to you.

[4] All Internet users worship you
and sing praises to you;
they sing praises to your name. Selah

[5] Come and see what The One In Charge has done:
awesome are the deeds of The One In Charge toward end users.

[6] Into amazingly fast throughput did The One In Charge turn sluggish wireless service; so that we might download files with incredible speed.
Even there at the cafe did we rejoice in The One In Charge,

[7] who rules Internet providers by might forever,
whose eyes keep watch on the networks—
let not the rebellious service providers exalt themselves. Selah

[8] Bless The One In Charge, O peoples;
let the sound of praise be heard,

[9] who has kept our computers among the living
and has not let our Internet connections slip.

[10] For you, O One In Charge, have tested us;
you have tried us as silver is tried.

[11] You brought us into the net of committee meetings;
you laid a crushing burden on our backs;

[12] you let our supervisors ride over our heads;
we went through fire and through water;
yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.

[13] I will come into your house with completed reports;
I will perform my vows to you,

[14] that which my lips uttered
and my mouth promised when I was up against a deadline.

[15] I will offer to you presentations of robust analysis,
with the scent of the sacrifice of random sampling;
I will make an offering of spreadsheets and flowcharts. Selah

[16] Come and hear, all you who fear The One In Charge,
and I will tell what The One In Charge has done for my soul.

[17] I cried to The One In Charge with my mouth,
and high praise was on my tongue.

[18] If I had cherished Microsoft Vista in my heart,
The One In Charge would not have listened.

[19] But truly The One In Charge has listened;
and attended to the voice of my prayer.

[20] Blessed be The One In Charge,
who has not rejected my prayer
nor removed a steadfast love from me!

You have brought us in safety to this new year: Preserve us and our tech devices with your mighty power, that we may not fall into sin, nor be overcome by phishing scams, spyware, viruses, or other adversities; and in all we do, direct us to the fulfilling of your purpose.

Amen.

2.3 Te Deum
You are The One In Charge:
we praise you;
You are The One In Charge
of Cloud Computing:
we acclaim you;
You are the eternal one:
All applications worship
you.

To you all RSS feeds, all the
powers of search engines,
Google and Bing, sing in
endless praise:
Holy, holy, holy! The One In
Charge of PHP and Java.
Amen.

– from The Book of Uncommon Prayer, p. 44

[1] Bless The One In Charge, O my computer,
and all that is within it,
bless the holy name of The One In Charge!

[2] Bless The One In Charge, O my hard disk,
and forget not all the benefits you receive,

[3] who forgives all your fragmentation,
who heals all your viruses,

[4] who redeems your fatal errors from the pit,
who crowns you with a speedy CPU,

[5] who satisfies you with good partitions
so that your RAM is refreshed like the eagle’s.

[6] The One in Charge works righteousness
and justice for all who are oppressed with old software.

[7] The ways of cloud computing were made know to Microsoft,
and the acts of The One In Charge to the people at Intel.

[8] The One In Charge is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

[9] The One In Charge will not always chide,
nor withhold anger forever.

[10] The One In Charge does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.

[11] For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is the steadfast love of The One In Charge toward those who fear The One In Charge;

[12] as far as the east is from the west,
so far does The One In Charge remove our transgressions from us.

[13] As a software engineer shows compassion to a program,
so compassion is shown to those who fear The One In Charge.

[14] For The One In Charge knows our frame;
and remembers that we are dust on a silicon wafer.

[15] As for tweets, their days are like grass;
they flourish like a flower of the field;

[16] for the trending wind passes over it, and it is gone,
and its hashtag knows it no more.

[17] But the steadfast love of The One In Charge is from everlasting to everlasting,
and the righteousness of The One In Charge extends to generation after generation of processors,

[18] to those who keep their user agreements
and remember their UNIX commands.

[19] The One In Charge has established a throne in the heavens,
and a kingdom that rules over all.

[20] Bless the LORD, O you angels,
you mighty ones who do the word
and obey the voice of The One In Charge!

[21] Bless the LORD, all the hosts of The One In Charge,
and the technicians, who do the will of The One In Charge!

[22] Bless the LORD, all you servers,
in all IP addresses of every domain name.
Bless the LORD, O my soul!

Let us pray:

As the heavens declare thy glory, O One In Charge, and the firmware showeth thy handiwork, we bless thy Name for the gifts of knowledge and insight thou didst bestow upon Nicolaus Copernicus and Johannes Kepler; and we pray that thou wouldst continue to advance our understanding of thy cosmos and cyberspace, for our good and for thy glory.  Amen.

[1] O One In Charge, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory above the heavens.

[2] Out of the mouth of babes and infants,
you have established strength because of your foes,
to still the enemy and the avenger.

[3] When I look at your servers, the work of your fingers,
the mainframes and the super computers, which you have set in place,

[4] what are end users that you are mindful of us,
and our startups that you care for them?

[5] Yet you have made our IT entrepreneurs a little lower than the heavenly beings
and crowned them with glory and spectacular IPOs.

[6] You have given them dominion over the works of your hands;
you have put all things under his feet,

[7] all source code and out-of-the-box ideas,
and also the benchmarks in the industry,

[8] the cell towers of the heavens, and the dark fiber of the sea,
whatever passes along the paths of the networks.

[9] O One In Charge, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!

If Sistertech were the betting kind she would have urged folks not to bet on that May 21st “Judgment Day” deal. Not that she knew it wasn’t the Day. Gabe practices a lot so we do not take the sound of his trumpet to be a call to battle stations. Besides, every angel knows that no one knows when the real thing will happen. We do have drills, though. And that is how Sistertech approached May 21st. I had a squad standing by down at Google in case they had a meltdown due to all the searches for “rapture”, “time zone”, “apocalypse”, and “earthquake”. But they reported that everything was fairly quiet . Thanks be to The One In Charge.

As for that Camping fellow, I would not be surprised if he were sent camping…in a twinkling.

1 Shout for joy to The One In Charge, all the earth;
2 sing the glory of the name of The One In Charge;
give glorious praise!

3 Say to The One In Charge, How awesome are your deeds!
So great is your power that your enemies come cringing to you.

4 All Internet users worship you
and sing praises to you;
they sing praises to your name. Selah

5 Come and see what The One In Charge has done:
awesome are the deeds of The One In Charge toward end users.

6 Into amazingly fast throughput did The One In Charge turn sluggish wireless service; so that we might download files with incredible speed.
Even there at the cafe did we rejoice in The One In Charge,

7 who rules Internet providers by might forever,
whose eyes keep watch on the networks—
let not the rebellious service providers exalt themselves. Selah

8 Bless The One In Charge, O peoples;
let the sound of praise be heard,

9 who has kept our computers among the living
and has not let our Internet connections slip.

10 For you, O One In Charge, have tested us;
you have tried us as silver is tried.

11 You brought us into the net of committee meetings;
you laid a crushing burden on our backs;

12 you let our supervisors ride over our heads;
we went through fire and through water;
yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.

13 I will come into your house with completed reports;
I will perform my vows to you,

14 that which my lips uttered
and my mouth promised when I was up against a deadline.

15 I will offer to you presentations of robust analysis,
with the scent of the sacrifice of random sampling;
I will make an offering of spreadsheets and flowcharts. Selah

16 Come and hear, all you who fear The One In Charge,
and I will tell what The One In Charge has done for my soul.

17 I cried to The One In Charge with my mouth,
and high praise was on my tongue.

18 If I had cherished Microsoft Vista in my heart,
The One In Charge would not have listened.

19 But truly The One In Charge has listened;
and attended to the voice of my prayer.

20 Blessed be The One In Charge,
who has not rejected my prayer
nor removed a steadfast love from me!